Monday 26 May 2008

CD: The Pigeon Detectives, Emergency

If nothing else, you can't fault the Pigeon Detectives' willingness to graft. The Leeds quintet's second album arrives less than a year after their debut. A cynic would say that's probably just as well. The indie bubble that bore them to fame has got to burst soon, and the Pigeon Detectives' place within the pantheon of platinum sellers looks shakier than most. Their early champions were the Kaiser Chiefs, but it's tempting to wonder if their support didn't have an ulterior motive. Perhaps it was aimed at those who cruelly dismissed I Predict a Riot as craven, conservative "ITV indie": you think ITV indie's bad, mate, here's Granada Men and Motors indie.












It's a perception compounded by an interview frontman Matt Bowman gave last year, in which he recounted inviting a fan with "really big tits" onstage. "The crowd were loving it, so I poured a bottle of water all over her white T-shirt. You could see her nipples and everything." The band later claimed this was "absolute bollocks" and badly misrepresented their live shows - which, to hear them tell it, are essentially seminars on feminist empowerment.

Nevertheless, it would be wrong to say the Pigeon Detectives are without qualities. As Emergency proves, what they do is entirely generic, but it's hard to argue with its melodic efficacy. They know how to structure a song: the choruses of Don't You Wanna Find Out and I'm a Liar click perfectly. Sadly, any arising pleasure is entirely blotted out by the unlistenable ugliness of the lyric.

They have three kinds of song. In the first, chief writer Oli Main feels obliged to take someone down a peg or two, which he does using his reliably devastating "oh-so" technique: "You think you're oh-so clever", or "oh-so petty and so pretentious".

The second is the spiteful break-up song, in which the Pigeon Detectives pour scorn on a recently-chucked female with a boorish sneer that beguilingly combines immense self-regard with mind-boggling witlessness: it's like being dumped by Chris Moyles. "I could love you for a day but then I'd hate you for a week," opens Love You For a Day. "If there was something you could say I'd tell you what to speak." The latter line is delivered with a note of triumph, as indeed it might be: after all, what can you speak to a put-down like that?

The third and most remarkable is the song in which Bowman offers a fortunate lady the chance to sleep with him. Lest she get the wrong idea about the degree of commitment involved (perhaps she's seen him onstage, tirelessly advocating women's rights with the aid of some Evian and a mammiferous female, and come to the conclusion that such a sensitive and thoughtful gentleman will make the perfect Life Partner), he emphasises that his favours will be dispensed on a strictly one-off, no-strings basis: "When the sun comes up, there will be nothing wrong, because I will be away from you." You can't accuse him of luring them under false pretences, but nevertheless, his patter may need a tweak. "Although I don't know your name, I will love you just the same for tonight." he advises elsewhere. "Like a flash in your pan, I will take what I can." You quail at criticising one so silver-tongued, but it does seem inadvisable to try and to win a potential conquest by comparing your boudoir technique to a flash in the pan, which according to my dictionary means "promising start followed by failure".

Elsewhere, there isn't much musical progression on offer, unless you count Nothing to Do With You, which features a mandolin sound similar to that on the Smiths' Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want. You can see why they've done this - placing the band in illustrious northern lineage and so on - but reminding the listener of vintage Morrissey and Marr midway through Emergency seems needlessly cruel, like reading out the menu from Alain Ducasse's Plaza Athénée restaurant to someone eating a Ginster's Scotch Egg Bar.

As Emergency draws to its sophisticated conclusion - the last thing you hear are the words "bell-end" - you're left pondering a deeply unlikely scenario. Unshakably convinced of its irresistible charm and quick-witted genius while giving every outward impression of being both obnoxious and as thick as two short planks, Emergency is the album the Arctic Monkeys might have made if they fired Alex Turner and replaced him with Michael off The Apprentice. What a horrible thought. What a horrible album.


See Also

Saturday 3 May 2008

X Factor fans furious over voting lines

X Factor fans furious over voting lines



A number of 'X Factor' fans ar reportedly derangement that they could non register their votes for losing finalist Rhydian Roberts stopping point Sat night.
According to the BBC, several tV audience are now claiming that they tried to vote up to 10 times on the night simply could not catch through on the Welshman's phoneline.
Rhydian Roberts was beaten by Scottish isaac Bashevis Singer Leon Jesse Jackson in the final of the bear witness on Sat night.
To begin with in the night host Dermot O'Leary had announced that there was only 1% separating the circus tent iI acts of the Apostles.
The BBC site reports that a fan of the show, Gwyneth Greenslade, said that she phoned 10 multiplication to vote for Richard John Roberts simply could not pay off through.
She said that iI of her friends as well tried to vote for the Cambrian opera vocalizer 7 times and 10 times respectively and also failed to register any votes.
Mrs. Greenslade said: "If you tintinnabulation 10 multiplication you gestate to generate through - I was very cross."
"A circle of other people in this area said they couldn't get through. It seems to be rattling unfair."
The reports as well details other complaints from fans world Health Organization failed to register their votes because of occupy networks.
A number of wireless stations of the Cross in Cambria sustain now banned victor Leon Jackson's birdcall from beingness played because of listeners' complaints over ballot on the night of the final examination.
A spokesperson for 'The X Factor' said there were no reports of problems with the speech sound lines for the final exam.
Check come out of the closet our 'X Factor' final photo gallery here.




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